Mindful Spotlight

July - Vulnerability

Anytime you feel at risk of being let down, hurt, or left unfulfilled, unhappy or harmed in some way, you are faced with a moment of vulnerability.
Many people feel vulnerable applying for a job, entering into a relationship, having a child, traveling internationally or needing to have a difficult conversation with a family member to name a few.

Why do we fear being vulnerable? Because we fear rejection. We feel that if people know our real selves, they won’t like us.
Studies have shown, however, when we allow ourselves to become vulnerable, our relationships improve and we feel more connected. Maintaining an inauthentic self has negative physiological impacts to our bodies; we have an increased pulse rate, we have higher episodes of anxiety, we are short in temper and are easily angered, and we don’t trust and therefore never truly love.
We tend to be drawn to those people who are authentic and show us their vulnerable side because being with them gives us permission to be ourselves. So what do you have to loose....?

  • “Daring greatly means the courage to be vulnerable. It means to show up and be seen. To ask for what you need. To talk about how you're feeling. To have the hard conversations.”

    ~ Brene Brown

  • “We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.""

    ~ Walter Anderson

  • “Nothing makes us more vulnerable than loneliness, except greed.”

    ~ Thomas Harris

  • “I found that the more truthful and vulnerable I was, the more empowering it was for me.”

    ~ Alanis Morrisette

  • “I feel like my secret magic trick that separates me from a lot of my peers is the bravery to be vulnerable and truthful and honest.”

    ~ Katy Perry

  • “Vulnerability is the birthplace of connection and the path to the feeling of worthiness. If it doesn't feel vulnerable, the sharing is probably not constructive.”

    ~ Brene Brown

  • “Being vulnerable is the only way to allow your heart to feel true pleasure.”

    ~ Bob Marley




Books

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Daring Greatly: How the Courage to Be Vulnerable Transforms the Way We Live, Love, Parent, and Lead by Brene Brown

Researcher and thought leader Dr. Brené Brown offers a powerful new vision that encourages us to dare greatly: to embrace vulnerability and imperfection, to live wholeheartedly, and to courageously engage in our lives.

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You're Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown

Each day we face a barrage of images and messages from society and the media telling us who, what, and how we should be. We are led to believe that if we could only look perfect and lead perfect lives, we'd no longer feel inadequate. So most of us perform, please, and perfect, all the while thinking, "What if I can't keep all of these balls in the air? Why isn't everyone else working harder and living up to my expectations? What will people think if I fail or give up? When can I stop proving myself?"

Becoming a Woman of Discretion: Cultivating a Pure Heart in a Sensual World by Nancy Leigh DeMoss

No woman sets out to tear down her home. But it happens in many subtle ways - with our attitudes, our words, and our actions. Walk verse-by-verse through Proverbs 7 to discover specific characteristics of the foolish woman. A series of penetrating questions is included, to help identify ways that we as women may unknowingly be "tearing down" the lives of those around us.

Becoming Real: Defeating the Stories We Tell Ourselves That Hold Us Back by Gail Saltz

In this refreshing and unique book, Today Show psychiatrist Dr. Gail Saltz shows how to pinpoint, deal with, and eliminate the debilitating baggage that stands in the way of success. Through revealing and intensive questionnaires, Becoming Real helps identify the symptoms that lead to repetitive self-defeating behaviors and provides essential tools for becoming a stronger person-in love, friendship, career, and in life-with a newfound confidence.

Becoming Us: 8 Steps to Grow a Family that Thrives by Elly Taylor

With the birth of a baby comes other new beginnings: the birth of a mother, of a father, of a family. Becoming "us" is more than just a physical transformation; it's a psychological, emotional and spiritual one, too. In older cultures and in villages around the globe parenthood was supported as a rite of passage, yet guidelines for the transition have largely been lost in our Western world, until now. Becoming Us is about in-betweens. It's about what comes after 'pregnancy' and before 'parenting.' It's about the relationship we have with our newly unfolding parent-self and the one in between us and our lover as we grow from connected partners into connected parents. Becoming Us forms a bridge between expectation and reality, in between who we are and how we hope our family to be.

The Dance of Anger: A Woman's Guide to Changing the Patterns of Intimate Relationships by Harriet Lerner

"Anger is a signal and one worth listening to," writes Dr. Harriet Lerner, in her renowned classic that has transformed the lives of millions of readers.While anger deserves our attention and respect, women still learn to silence our anger, to deny it entirely, or to vent it in a way that leaves us feeling helpless and powerless. In this engaging and eminently wise book, Dr. Lerner teaches women to identify the true sources of our anger and to use anger as a powerful vehicle for creating lasting change.

Parenting from the Inside Out 10th Anniversary edition: How a Deeper Self-Understanding Can Help You Raise Children Who Thrive by Daniel J. Siegel MD, Mary Hartzell

In Parenting from the Inside Out, child psychiatrist Daniel J. Siegel, M.D., and early childhood expert Mary Hartzell, M.Ed., explore the extent to which our childhood experiences shape the way we parent. Drawing on stunning new findings in neurobiology and attachment research, they explain how interpersonal relationships directly impact the development of the brain, and offer parents a step-by-step approach to forming a deeper understanding of their own life stories, which will help them raise compassionate and resilient children.

Videos/Research


Brene Brown The Power of Vulnerability

Vulnerability and presence in science and medicine: Gary Hammer at TEDxUofM

Fred Luskin: The Sea of Vulnerability

Brene Brown on The Power of Being Vulnerable